https://youtu.be/dGpLWkKamf0?si=_hBMRHiJP3IPYjNk
bodily aches
why does your body tell you to strangle yourself with your own entrails randomly. like you can be sat down in a healthy, parabolic spinal posture (but cubic here for all the nerds) where the curvature of your spine (and ass) can be found through the formula where f(x)=(4x+1)^3
like it can be randomly in the day while youre pondering your orbs or late in the night when you just want to go to dreamland but youve been caught in bureaucratic processes and need to not only update your license but also attain a new passport and get a crash course on dreamese due to their new politics on foreigners and immigrants as well as their newfound desire to preserve culture and tight knit community. no longer are you able to harass women in your dreams. then you go to the doctor when youre finally assed to ask about what genetic issues exactly you have from the inbreeding in your dream heritage are giving you random pains from prior family curses from someone that forgot to place the ferris wheel in the place of dreams are. then the answer is either obvious nebulous shit like stress (works like being hexed) or having a deficiency in a made up chemical like omegaviers zetta 2b drug acids or some shit. lastly you could simply be fucked™, trademark and all, as youre perfectly healthy and your body just really fucking hates you. if you were to ask why it would have no real answer. like you just naturally piss it off with your irradiated piss-off rivalry vibes like youre your own personal eldritch horror or scottish neighborhood. but of course at that point you already righted your wrongs so much they went anti woke, which should be the exact opposite of detrimental to your ability to sleep. also youre already balls deep in a healthy, committed hatelove with sour gummyworms or the lack thereof whether prompted by the notorious meddler that is the store or not. or maybe youre more of a snacks in chips (not british) kind of guy. hell the beds a good choice too. either way it stands to reason that even if you were halfway interested in what such a semipromising relationship with your body could bring and the ways it could unfold, social norms and comfortable stability triumph over the potential of such a wack and unorthodox relationship. itd probably be the relationship of the future the same way brazil is always the country of the future. or how the stocks are SURELY going to go up and were FINALLY going to profit off a scam memecoin. well now we all know that if you believe hard enough it becomes a little more true
which is exactly what vegans sustain themselves on. i dont care about vegetarians much and no one talks about them because theyre kind of normal and bland comparing to the shit thats veganism. it already has terrible rep because of shitty animals rights groups like peta and people like that vegan teacher and carnivorous animals generally being forced to sustain themselves on plant only diets and becoming as horribly emaciated as the vegans themselves. perhaps more
you cant tell me a diet that requires you to add fifty fucking vitamins isnt held up by hopes and dreams. this shit isnt saving the animals. i wont say its not saving any animals but big corporations wont stop massacring cows over people stopping consuming them. actually cows would go extinct if everyone stopped eating meat and shit. pretty wild to think about huh
but yeah theyre right that theres inhumane treatment. cattle is pumped up with more drugs than a crackhead racehorse of an athlete people bet on in the ozympics or whatever theyre called. man itd actually be fun as shit to see the maximum human performance with like every steroid ever. jumping 12 feet and breaking their legs and dying afterwards. itd be inhumane though so i guess that can only be done by billionaires. theyd name it after squid game the hunger games and other dystopian shits. but i dont know how giving yourself inhumane treatment stops that. in fact if you factor in all the plants you eat and all the additives you have to keep up in order to not die from every single deficiency you have in your diet especially with how much you have to eat due to the lesser caloric value i bet youd have more land and water usage than most animal cruelty burger factories. the same ones "cruelty free" cheese is supplied from, wherein they spin the cow at rapid speeds to attain the milk. this is more inefficient, pricy and cruel but cow centrifuging makes the cost go up due to supply and demand
also we should extinguish mosquitoes. just the ones that give malaria and shit. i bet those barely help the environment too. activists go on and on about stupid shit and tape themselves to the streets to protest oil manufacturers like the inconvenience provided is at all related to their cause. the stopped cars in fact amp up production. so you see activists dont tend to be math guys
which is why they could run the calculations for years to come and never find out the real reason we get random aches. or they get random aches. no matter how obvious or not those are. theyd just make up a reason and go vocal about it then get met with an equal, just as or perhaps more stupid full on antithetical side created by just contrarianism and spite towards contrarianism and spite. were stuck in the goddamn book of job
the void between necessity and want
so
its kind of fucked up theres no word thats like, neither. something
thats not mandatory but also cant be done at your full leisure. like
some shit you wont die over but also would be fucked up to stall for too
long. like a dnd session. you dont want to delay it to never when
everyones hinging on it because you dont necessarily want to dm it but
also it wouldnt kill you to take a break. so this inbetween word of
mandatory and indulgent had to be forged
of course. there are like
absolutely zero fucking roots in all of language for a similar word. in
fact the words for want and need have a very weird etymology. youre
telling me one of them has roots in some ancient word for "violence".
who the fuck thought of that
so theres no precedent, right. and most made up words sound stupid. so i invented a new word: mandulge
its
like the solution to the dilemma. the thing in the goldilocks cherry
zone. the salvation to us all. absolutely unprecedented. cool and new
heres
how it works. you can mandulge in something. you can go wild in your
mandulgence. something can be mandulged in. you can be mandulging in
something. etc and so on
da shit
i may be a thief
but thats the nature of irony
here we be pirates
ships sailing on stolen tirades
crews all in, never get tired
party all night and spit some fires
manning our cannons
shooting our shot
dropping lessons in parody like theyre hot
dont be looking at me with those spades
drooling at me eyes digging past these shades
of rad and cool, certified heavenmade
im him, bold
comedy gold
not perfection incarnate, but from a shiny mould
one in four thousand million or so
the man, the myth, the legend, im it
yes i do believe im hotshit
ultimate man of ultimate destiny
god put me up as the dj and skate jesus made me the mc
to drop the sickest beats and rap of all of history
the knight of all nights
draped in a cape
sexy taken shape
just look at my form admire or hate
ass got mass
i quench a thirst you cant sate
slaying the beast with my words
circle my date
weaponizing rhymes cause pens beat swords
and my victorys fate
long live comedy past the gate
they made me king cause it was innate
and then comes the revolution, how the turns table
taking to arms all the people able
manufacture production and keeping the econony stable
shits so innovative mysterious that you just cant quite put a label
its the ironaissantic swagalactic era fabled
hopping on the hype train
in so deep were dipping hadal
make the money rain
faces all over cable
rock, bronze, iron, fire
gas, thermite, nitro, coal
shot shot to the goal
paradoxic cool and antithesis of cold
so radpilled demoncore
humors existed since centuries of yore
youre free to browse my wares
theres much in store so much to share
many lands and horizons to explore and ways to fare
and all the underlying potential there
then cometh he with the stride
innuendos speak of a bride
were all in for the wild ride
from the train to orbiting pride
and all the other suns journeys begun
im sure you understand fun
cringe is neither here nor there
get it done
cringe is neither here nor there
dont be dumb
if youre falling fall in style
dont waste your time lingering on denial
be tenacious be ostentatious
get shit done be efficacious
my advice is gracious
but i also damn hope its contagious
invent new meanings be rapacious
being courageous or salacious
avoiding lameness
thats not usually heinous
uhhh anus
rhymes
you know its kind of fucked up theres a limited amount of rhymes. what do you even do when youre rapping and your opponent doesnt understand the random 1980s pop culture reference you make thats usually sort of nonsensical when you think about it any further than wow these things rhyme. then there are things like the wizard of oz which rhyme a shit ton. its like a theater play they turned into a movie. its fucking hilarious actually. its archaic rap
like they just break out in lyrical rhymes every single time they do pretty much anything. youre just having a fun time being a tree in the woods then suddenly you hear "were going to eat your children that you keep all hidden and well be ridden of our appetite mmmm what a delight boiled in a cauldron cooked just right mmmm". also i agree with that one guy why the fuck did she keep her only weakness around
but yeah its like seussian shit. god bless seuss dawg. that shit was great. prime example of delivering moral lessons and great stories in rhyme. its like super easy to aspire to
me personally? im not actually good at improvised rapping. it may appear so but thats because everyone else you see online is very likely to be considerably more shit at it. theyll gawk if you can land three rhymes in a row and think youre on a roll but in truth you can only go so far
shining at surface level makes you a star
speaks of how behind the people are from the start
and thats just a fucking tragedy
bromeo and juliet type beat
it cant be that nowadays with all the strategies and all the ways
it cant be now that they cant drop the heat
shits so chill jack and jill slipped and fell down the icy hill
shits so cold so apparent yet grown apart like an ex lovers i sees heart
im not even immersed in culture
im just a little creativity vulture
picking up the scraps of whats left
tenures over not a single person wept
maybe im an impostor and this is an occupation
but sometimes a body double is required for the situation
everyone knows the original is sick
but what do ya do if ya homeboy wont stick
so theres not an alternative not a better trick
wing it and hope the swing of the clock wont make you tick
and quit reminiscing over the originals cock and doing tricks on his dick
yeah
yeah
the real horror industry
i know horror games are shitty nowadays but im pretty sure most horror sorta sucks. if you make a good horror bam youve just made a good thriller/action movie instead. anyways the horror you find on youtube sucks. sometimes they do the appearance nicely then ruin it with whatever happens like some guy being mutilated for zero reason other than shock (skateguy hint: death and suffering are not shocking)
and most of its always been cheap jumpscares that rely on you running in the hallway for the top 3 long hours that make you feel the most likely the minotaur. seriously none of these are scary maze games. im already pretty disillusioned with the horror industry since its not my cup of tea. though some of them are so bad or have been turned so bad they have ironic potential. just you wait until you see the fashionable hot guy in the gamedawg logo with black bleeding eyes and or a red glowing pupil and a creepy neutral expression leaking black goo. honestly me smiling super wide would be actually uncanny
ive watched friday the 13th. a big gripe i have with these things is the amount of sex movies have. some teeter on the edge of actual movie and porno. i dont care about the ankle deep waters of lore that say if you bang there you die. its a stupid grudge to hold and stupid to bang in the woods. theres also momo. like if you think about it long enough they look stupid funny
but i wont pretend im not scared or anything. its just me being scared of those things doesnt do much. im not prone to freaking out or screaming at all and the most i do is stall going out of some safe area. kind of like how ive always treated responsibility
like i played the mimic with some lameass loser. he was scared shitless. was he afraid he was going to get jeff the killed or something? all he had to do was "survival the" monster. it was pretty boring and the one time death actually mattered it was just annoying
and like really. an arg. well these pirates might as well be the kind that dont steal another persons property because most of them suck absolute ass. hopping on the trendwagon has been an ancient practice since always but wow you should try harder than that. youre not just some living meat
really most horror could be taken off the shelves without a single tear being wept. wow a dog thats smiling how scary. wow a weird tree how scary. its not even neon pink. actually millions of easily scareable kids would be weeping. weeping in joy though. that shit only traumatizes toddlers anyways. like all this horror shit is easily executable. ok thats it roll heads
oh no wait not yet. the head suddenly became..
gregnant
and its all because of spiderman. yes thats right im referencing elsagate bitches. the original plague. theres a new one in town apparently but holy shit that content marketed to kids was and is disgusting. this inflicts more trauma than the old ones could ever hope to with the loudest of their screams and howls
whatever is in youtube kids also has to stay there. shits probably worse than liveleak. liveleak is lame gore shit btw
gamedawg issue 4
ok so i watched war of the worlds
honestly this movie was rank. it was so rank it went from f tier to s tier and then so far uptodown that it picked up enough malware to end up in a pokemon showdown rom hack, where it promptly got rated to zu tier. who rated it? smogon deez
like seriously i dont know why big corp amazon decided to make a movie trying to diss the big bad govt. theyre practically postmaritally hand in hand and its like choosing one maniacal villain thatd kill everyone for profit instead of one maniacal villain thatd kill everyone for profit. though i guess theyre very slightly different kinds of profit so theres that atleast. pick your poison and choose your pres. im feeling more like a russels viper bite victim right now
also the whole movie is so boring. all that happens is a whole bunch of fuckall as if you were trying to measure the amount of good deeds some governments did for the people. they might as well be sourcing the peoples opinions from ai filtered through hypertranslate, then filtered through humans that were filtered through ai again so that they get only the most heinous translator fails
ok sure shit HAPPENS but it doesnt HAPEN if you know what i mean. theyre not doing it dawg. plus you dont even know the characters very well when they suddenly get threatened and the main characters basically just playing 48/20 custom night with a creative mode pc. also the plot is so scattered only matpat could salvage it with a clever connection between all of the random scenes and 50 year old buried alien relics he found in the deepnet darkweb or whatever other obscure scary names you can come up with. its more scattered than my brains would be if i had a shotgun while watching this movie
not only that but its a headache. things move around the screen too much and you barely get any time to process anything. also the people just shake their phones in order to simulate running in the movie for some reason. how can something so high budget seem like a bunch of low budget distinct args passed through youtube telephone as a gimmicky "10 devs get one hour each to complete eachothers work without communicating". theres nothing redeeming about this movie at all and its completely ironically inept at everything other than being made fun of
they tell you tornadoes and shit standing in place is a bad sign but im pretty sure this plot hurricane IS standing in place for real. maybe at times it threatens being nudged even slightly to the side but then isnt
this movie is lame as hell
0/5 florinos. fuck you amazon
the legend of sissyphus
once upon a time there was a man woman so clever and fabulous she was considered the queen
she however did not want her league to die off. she wanted all the promotional posters and the campaigns. she wanted to be a true diva for all eternity as some kind of diva figure. but after fooling the gods of drag twice there was hell to pay. you should be sassy not bitchy after all
the rupantheon thusly deliberated and granted her a punishment. she was to catwalk through the red miles of carpet to the judges, who would tell her to sashay away each time. she then would have to dress up in another outfit she herself makes and try again for all of eternity, searching for finally being told that shantay she stays. her humiliation forever not played out on tv as a story. but despite everything she persists and continues trying. one must imagine sissyphus happy
groceryquest 2025 and phone addicts
i decided to merge four whole blogpost topics into this one just because its kind of a bummer to make whole posts consisting of like what, 2 paragraphs. thats lame as hell
anyways so i went to the dentist expecting to have some fuckass newstyle braces put on me. my swag factor would immediately plunge into the depths if my spitespirit ironipotence and beautscore werent so high
instead i got blasted by several lethal radiation beams. they put me through like 10 different xray procedures and i think im now radioactive. do i gain powers if i get just irradiated and no animals bite me. i think so thats the whole point of mutants. but still lame as hell that i dont get sick spider themed powers or some shit. i couldve been strider, man
it was super uncomfortable they were stretching my mouth and forcing it open. i also had to bite down on something. and they were treating me like an aggressive beast of a child the whole time like. "im going to nudge you slightly to correct your position ok please dont hurt me please please please please please please im so sorry". dawg im pretty harmless because im just a chill guy idk
either way afterwards they showed me every single way my teeth and skull were fucked up and told me id get cancer in my 20s and also would be bald by then. i ignored that and went to get my phone back
then after that i thought i was done. we did get a horrendous family side quest where we had to get an old lady her meds and then teach her how to take them but whatever
then here comes the betrayal. i felt like the salad guy getting stabbed in the groin by his best bro. im not even sure why they had a vendetta against healthy greens but i guess salads have too much lettuce as some other person pointed out elsewhere. we arrived at the grocery store and you know what that means when youre around geriatrics. it means war. it means famine. it means struggle. and also three whole hours of shopping
i went around like a madman and only found comfort in getting some mango flavored monster energy drinks as well as a cool badass peach dragon ice tea monster energy drink (its great by the way and it was necessary to refer to it separatedly) which should be in every store in the us of a (why isnt it). dragons are too cool to be exclusive to niche corner stores and foreign countries. anyways i also snagged cherry halls which you would know if you had backread my hotshit cherry cocaine post instead of staring like an idiot. i know im distacting but hoooooot damm. just how HIGH do you have to be not to read my posts at the very least three times a day. theres no ruse. anyways i did get bbq chips so sick dick
then on my way home i spotted this guy riding a bycicle one handed. no he was not "jerking "it"", and by "it" i mean his peanits. instead he was on the phone probably looking at either porn or tiktok. maybe both at once i dont know tiktoks policies. either that or youtube shorts which i dont doubt could be porn considering how they massacred youtube kids then kiddified youtube like no one asked for
like whats the phone addiction level you have to have to do that shit. its probably over 9000 or some other corny reference like that. his eyes were practically glued to the screen as he barely stopped while crossing the highway and i think he has some toxic relationship with his phone. i will judge
like what even fucking happened. that guy did not even look under 18. atleast i understand the grade 2 highschool kiddies calling me "sigma" and referencing shitty brainrot things and also being weirdly gay towards eachother in public. why do "straight" guys grab eachothers asses like that anyways. what do they have to prove, their homiesexuality? i think its apparent enough as is
also they never shut the shit up. im surprised they even have romance lives considering they go around with eachother all the time pretty much and are very blatantly bisexual or some shit. like the guy that grabbed the other guys ass has a goddamn girlfriend what the fuck is he doing
society as we know it is dead and those damn chem trails going into the water is turning it gay
check older blogposts
i might update some if anything extra comes to mind. like cherry shit theres lots to say about cherry shit
hmm yes im smarter
so anyone else noticed that philosophy is one giant crosshistory dick measuring test. first of all theres a suspicious lack of philosopher babes and theres no way only men came up with the ideas that you should simply live better think and be smart and whatnot. all the famous philosophers are men and they unfortunately did not have hrt yet and also cockfighting was a thing so this points to the reason being they dont have cocks
but yeah basically its literally all "no you suck and are so completely wrong and this is how you should live life actually". some of their potents are fucking doy, dillweed and others are wow youre right and others are what the fuck are you on about. like the sophists were hyperdemocratic or something i didnt pay attention and then they said that sucks and is stupid and you shouldnt focus on yourself and the world being happy through reasonable freedom. wise up, bromeo! and then the next comes shitting on that guys grave saying like "hold the fucking speech, wise guy" because he wanted the smart people to rule (ie him and his homos). its like everyone wants people to live like them and what they say they should live like. though they have a point in saying society kind of sucks nowadays even if they didnt say it at the time. they left the bits and pieces for leet cypher solvers and they absolutely annihilated those puzzle pieces and found out their exact location
meanwhile the truth is theres no one singular great advice. telling someone that sometimes you just gotta take the plunge down rollerskate mountain even if youll break your ass on the stairs is just as true as telling them to chill the fuck out. telling someone they probably shouldnt lie at times and definitely should lie at others. morality and the best choices (plural) are variable and multiple choices can be correct yo. its like chess
but theyre also like weirdly fucking religious most of the time. im not sure about all views but religion usually says shit like morality is objective for some reason and they spout shit about god nonstop. whatever floats your boat. if you gotta think of a higher up to put a leash on you thats kinky but i wont judge. though if you built the boat in the first place itd be just as much of a boat as whatever the people in that boat building game make which is usually also not even for treasure. though youd think thinking about deep thinking would eventually lead you away from thinking earthquakes are from zeus pounding the earth or some shit. actually isnt the earth his mother. nevermind then. wait nevermind that nevermind greek mythology is very incestuous and weird
and nowadays the treasure is like completely unreached for. the empty dead husk of philosophy is just a jerking circle where you say nothings and pretend youre smart. it literally gets you nowhere in life and all you do is ask why at everything like a little baby. why are we here and all of that stupid shit. and they dont want the nearly equally as stupid scientific answers. jfldi (just fucking live dammit) instead of parading the dessicated corpse of the deep think. so dry its like spongebob in that one episode
so basically not everythings always right there are usually multiple good choices and philosophers are pissbabies
moral of the story: shit changes
literally terrible
ok so you know how reading is for lame gay nerds. now take that and make it forced like a divine punishment cast against the sinners
seriously who the fuck thought of this. the only people that ever enjoy reading this shit are meganerds or already read the book in their own free time or both. like if im being genuine im fine with reading. its just such a blatant waste of time when you have/had school though and only now have a proper outlet to complain
seriously its all old piece of shit works too. so like you get read the shitty romance the ones from the olden age of yore who got to see the dinosaurs and the first interspecies war. those words are still inscribed in runes and shit you have to figure out just to remember that they also wrote magical spells NOT words
and the plots are garbage too. if most of these were uploaded today theyd be bashed especially by twitter. would probably score zero hats because romance is lame as hell
and its the whole fucking book. who the hell wants to read one bigass patriotic piece or just one big book of woman big boob purity good in the world. theyd be canceled for extremely biased views of the events and upping the standards for women plus the literary suicide that is the plot
like ill be for real. im the most legitimate there is. im so fucking real right now im seeing the goddamn illuminati. wattpad writers would be PRAISED by these ancient incels
rant on philosophy next
get your nasty hair out of my face
why do some girls throw that shit back harder than all the latinas all the ads tell me are ready to party and drunk women in actual parties
like that shits nasty and it gives me an urge to pull out a scissor and give them a reverse bowlcut but in my unlimited patience i avoid plunging into the depths of nervana (youll hear more about nervana soon) and doing what should be done (all first letters capitalized and a trademark at the end)
if i had to hazard a guess its because whoever was sitting in front of me those times had graduated from jupiter university instead of going to college. which uh oh, big mistake
dont start counting your fingers and getting your pockets full of posies yet though. the redeeming factor of today is that theyre handing out mars bars to whoever delivers the shittiest, most high effort rap possible
fuckass dinosaurs
do you guys remember this piece of shit piece of media with the stupid singing ugly dinosaurs
this iconic italian original from the 2000s features only the most harrowtesque visuals and you should watch it
look its even god some grape ratings
the three rs
its come to my attention that i cant utilize links such as "swag" and "turntechgodhead" because ancient people once had those things and you have to respect graves. like look im a grave robber (you have to get that loot) so that might be why i dont understand this arbitrary anti impersonation shit. i mean other websites do just fucking fine with reusable tags so i dont see why this wouldnt either
its like itd kill someone to have their prior url used regardless of postmortem consent
worst of all changing your url makes the previous url unavailable
thats like completely against the three rs the schools and hippies are gonna get on blogspots ass
hey maybe its not even their fault but an underlying internet issue
still its a complete fucking waste. whoever got davestrider didnt even make the fucking page in english
i guess thats the punishment for getting into anything late other than getting called a newgen and ridiculed and also not being in on all of the inside jokes
at the very least i get to be the god of head which is a very good tradeoff in my opinion. i couldve stuck with "davestride" to get the "singular stride" brand for real and future business me may look down on me for not capitalizing on this clearly empty niche (like how all my business classes tell me to do business) and this may be why i wont be a mega fuckillionaire but as of now its completely fucking worth it
bonus content
damn i inadvertently chose a username thats lamer and unoriginaler than i intended to. like i cant be stealing something from a guy that stole it from his grandparent that stole it from me. even if said grandparent had no relation to the guy and also didnt steal it from me
great collaborashon
ok so you might have heard by now that the next superwholock is happening and that homestuck is going to be an anime
this may be tragic news (it is) but i predict the animations gonna be swag and theres only going to be a shit ton of controversial shit especially from the past
"controversial"
previews over
the blog is for cool shit that i cant post on the forums or on bsky naturally without it being lamer
no more cool comyycks
intermishin
ok so heres said bluesky
also check out flavorcubes blog that guys chronically allergic to me its flavorcubecoolblog
make sure to send chill vibes in order to wreak TRUE raw spiteful havoc
comyyks1
ok so heres the first comyyks. you guys are only the most deserving since blogspot fucks the shit up making it tiny. if you want to read it better just go to my bluesky dumpass
whats up with emojis
ok so not to be diamonds with a dot inside guy or some hooligan that spams mpreg in unwitting discords but whats the decision process on adding an emoji. like the only two baseline ones ill ever use are the thumbs up thumbs down and the 🆒 emoji
and i know the last one was created for the sake of defending the world from cosmic terrors such as lameness and to bring balance to the forces but seriously. and they pull shit like a phoenix emoji which just looks like a pigeon and fire on an ios i think. thats pretty "stoopid kwite desu", as the kids would say
i mean yeah its fucking hilarious but you only get half a chuckles value on it and then it falls to decadence. its like virtual coin stocks except youre nearly always working at a loss. wait thats still virtual coin stocks unless youre like one of the first to ever buy bitcoin actually
still what does hovering man express. the fear of businessmen hovering after you? the sheer imposing aura your boss has? i know boss battles are called that for a reason but then the emoji should have a sick sword instead
seriously go check out all the object emojis they have like whole fucking three calendars (who needs that many) and the other miscellaneous stuff
the big tests
what the fuck is up with these. they all have questions you didnt learn shit for and dont give you any formulas
its like randomly placing a kiddie camper from the boyscouts in the woods for no discernible reason other than to see that, yes, in fact, your education is still shit
plus there are whole ass courses on solving these for some reason. doesnt that invalidate the whole point. like if you have to get extracurricular torture in order to do well i think the problem lies elsewhere
also some of these force you to show your work. so like what are they testing exactly. memory or skills. personally i think its a secret third thing called how much of a lame fucking nerd you are
the rides and the feast
i went to some event and had what i thought shouldve been my last supper. like i was totally ready to die on the new ride that has all the gs (because its cool as hell drinks cherry coke and does drugs) after eating a whole plate (ceramic and all) of barbecue food. shit was intense and i was expect something even more intense like as if that was my death row meal of choice and i was about to the sent to the all in one medieval torture machines (plural)
but then i got to the ride and it was some lame shit. save the previous rides and the one i wont ever go on again (the lame gay blender of death) there was nothing cool there. they took down the fucking ferris wheel thats how dire shit was. who the hell takes down the ferris wheel. thats an insult to all amusement parks and their guests and also the family legacy. youre upsetting your ancestors and unleashing a family curse upon your dynasty. your forebearers will never know fun retroactively and your sperm will come out depressed. your children will probably listen to mcr. anyways basically it had none the gs
yes thats right not a single buddy online or otherwise
shit was lonelier than the highest, most terminally online internet addict. the g count was so low it was fixing peoples broken necks like a fucking miracle. shit was so low you could connect to hells wifi (miserably slow but still existent). like all the big boy rides (that arent the lame gay blender of death) were able to reach so far up and had so many gs i legit got an internet connection AND mobile data so like what the fuck
all you did was go on a plane that can go up and down really slowly. wheres the threat. wheres the enticement. the thrill. so i was stuck on this dumpass thing pretending to have fun (the opposite of keeping a poker face) as i felt a hollowness inside that rivals the empty abyss found in the place of the soul of hello kitty girls that random edgy teenagers claim to have
like hey if you could at the very least crash into the wtc itd be cool. like itd be a fucking history lesson for all of the mericans that somehow werent born with the knowledge of 9/11 or that werent even born anywhere near the usa (merica)
to be fair the big boy rides kind of suck after you go in them for like what the eighth time. you look up to them as a kid and go like "holy shit i want to enter the torment nexus" and then you enter the torment nexus and its just a regular torture chamber instead. what the fuck. like yeah its still a torture chamber but gee louise maybe i get sick of the piranhas and want to gun for some honey slathering and ants. maybe with some lasers. lasers are sick. but i didnt really have to pretend i was totally enjoying it since my "friends" (temporary acquaintances) were too busy being excited and/or terrified to be able to tell
regardless the food was fucking great. though i have some regrets since there was a sushi place right fucking there. still ate good shit for free (as far as im concerned as i didnt pay) so sick dick am i right
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