so i was trying out the extreme rides after years of chastity. the cockblocking was so immense my balls turned john blue
i went on the big rides and thought i was going to fucking die. it was great. youll hear more about it two years from now
then i got to THE RIDE. i was clueless. i thought itd be an innocent harmless death machine. but what do you know. i get on that thing and grab a safe spot. then what do you know some other dude reaches for that same spot. and thats kinda gay so i let go instead of committing sinful premarital gay nonconsensual handholding thatd immediately put me in a three hundred thousand word fanfic with that guy, consisting of only one canon event (the handholding)
of course i wasnt going to just not hold onto anything because thats a terrible idea. i got into the most comfortable and stable position possible and it still was very bad. then the ride started spinning and shaking and jumping up and down and holy fuck. i think we mightve landed on eachothers laps a few times if i wasnt explicitly preventing myself from doing so with all my might. it was harrowterrible. i was exceedingly uncomfortable
then when the gay torture finally ended i had goddamn bruises. i could tell by how my arm was aching and i had a goddamn hoodie on. if i didnt i probably wouldve broken every single bone in my arm or something
like okay. yes it was intense but theres a difference between cool thrill seeking and dumb masochism thatd earn you the darwin award. im not the latter. what the fuck is the point of a ride that only hurts you and has no safety mechanisms whatsoever
to quote a future bubblepost: natural selection has failed us